Following his splits from Christine and Janelle, Kody admits to getting into a dark place in his marriage to Robyn.
Spoiler alert! If you haven't seen this week's episode of Sister Wives, proceed with caution.
Things are getting dark in Flagstaff, Arizona. In this week's episode of Sister Wives, Kody Brown admits to battling an angry side of himself amid his ongoing estrangement from his wife, Janelle Brown, and his ex, Christine Brown.
"I might not have been right, but I was angry as hell," Kody says of the explosive fight he had with Janelle in last week's episode. "I haven't talked to her since. And I don't know when I'm going to talk to her."
A tearful Janelle says of the recent events between her and Kody, "I know what he said to me. I know what he yelled at me in the car the other day, 'Choose your loyalties or you won't have a husband.' I feel like he's just looking for ways to get rid of me. I don't know if this is fixable."
But Kody says that Janelle has "triggered" him, saying that he thinks she's the "one that's mean" in the scenario.
"He acts like I have done him wrong," Janelle notes. "I think he's played favorites for a long time and Robyn lives the way he wants to run his family, so I guess he's going to write off all his other kids. I think he didn't want to be a plural husband anymore."
Janelle is in tears, acknowledging that the split between her and Kody has put her in a precarious position financially.
"I don't know who this guy is. Maybe this is who he always was, but I don't recognize this very mean person," she says of Kody. "I'm stuck. Financially I have nothing. Christine had the house, I have nothing. My name is on property with everybody else, probably nobody will cooperate now and play ball. I can't believe I'm 50 and can't do my own thing 'cause I'm so tied up with them financially… I can't believe I got myself into this position. How dumb is that? I know better."
The family prepares for a separate Christmas holiday, which Christine is "so excited" about while everyone else seems to be more depressed.
Meri has been added on to Kody and Robyn's family's celebration, admitting that it feels like she is "the other woman."
Meri knows that her relationship with Kody is nearly unfixable, admitting, "I think that he regrets marrying Christine. I don't know where he is with Janelle, but I do believe 100 percent that he regrets marrying me."
As for Janelle, the mother of six admits to feeling "overwhelming relief" at not seeing Kody, but admits to being sad that Kody hasn't reached out to their youngest daughter, Savanah Brown, about the holidays.
"I kind of told the kids, 'Your dad and I had a bad fight that we're not coming back from,'" she admitted. "My kids were not surprised. They've observed our relationship for several years and thought maybe it was time for me to do something different, do something better."
Janelle admits that her situation with Kody has made her think long and hard about plural marriage and she says she's open to being in another plural family down the line.
And Meri says that the issue in the Brown family isn't polygamy, but rather "personalities."
And while Kody's only remaining relationship is with Robyn Brown, things don't seem to be in the best place with her either.
"We've never had as many problems as we're having right now in our marriage," Robyn says of their relationship. "He's suspicious of anybody being disloyal to him. He's directing that at me. It's like I don't recognize him. I don't really recognize him right now and I've never seen him like this before."
While Kody is having some bro time with his brother-in-law, he admits to having the urge to let his mean side out of the box.
"I want to grow horns right now so bad. I want to say mean things. I want to be a jackass," Kody admits. "That urge to do it, to just be mean as hell… you get in this place where you think you've failed God, it's like, well, I should just be the devil I think I am now."
Admitting that he doesn't want Robyn to see this side of him or "to know how dark I've gotten," Kody goes on to admit that he's even considered abandoning Robyn and starting life over fresh.
"There's an urge to break it all and start again somewhere else," Kody says. "I have this gut thing, I'd like to run away from my life, just escape, change my name, disappear, become somebody else. I hate my life right now."
Robyn doesn't seem to be too surprised by her husband's confession, but does tearfully say that if Kody did leave behind polygamy, it might be a "deal breaker" for her.
"Feels a little bit like a deal breaker of our marriage. It would absolutely devastate me if he decided to leave me. I know he has these thoughts," she says. "You can't make anybody stick around or stay. I know he would regret it. It's just from pain. It's not because he's a selfish or a bad person, he's just in pain."
New episodes of Sister Wives air Sundays at 10 p.m. ET on TLC.
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