The grieving mother shared her heartbreaking nightmare in a series of emotional posts on Instagram.
Brittani Boren Leach is mourning the tragic death of her 3-month-old baby boy.
The YouTube star revealed the heartbreaking loss over a series of Instagram posts, beginning last Thursday, where she revealed that her infant son, Crew, was found unresponsive after taking a nap on Christmas Day.
The first post that Leach shared showed her hand holding Crew's tiny fingers as he lay in a hospital bed, which she captioned, "I don’t have any words right now, other than to desperately ask for your prayers. Not the kind that you say 'I’m praying for you' and don’t, but the kind where you fall on your knees and beg God for a miracle. While at a relative’s house last night, Crew laid down for a nap and when I went to check on him, he was not breathing."
"We are living a nightmare, and I’m dying inside. Please pray for my baby. This can’t be real," Leach added.
Sadly, the nightmare only got worse. Her son -- her fourth child with husband Jeff Leach, whom they welcomed in September -- was placed on a ventilator, and Leach shared another photo from Crew's hospital bed, as she stood over her little boy, eyes red from crying.
"Right now Crew is 'stable' and the ventilator is breathing for him. They are working on stabilizing his body and tomorrow he will have an MRI to determine his brain function and that will determine the next step," she wrote. "I can’t explain to you what this feels like. This kind of thing only happens to 'other' people. Not me. I just want to crawl in bed with my baby and nurse him. Instead I’m standing here with a breast-pump in my bra where my baby should be... begging God for a miracle. Please continue to pray. Please. I don’t think I can go on without him."
Crew's condition, however, did not improve. Leach shared another update alongside a photo of her and her husband cradling Crew in her arms while the infant was hooked up to a breathing mask and various monitors.
"Crew’s tiny earthly body is still with us, although I know he’s already dancing and playing in Heaven," Leach wrote. "We have some hard decisions to make over the next 12 hours, that no parent should ever have to make."
The bereaved mother also shared her gratitude with those who gave their support and prayers, writing, "The outpouring of love and support has been astounding and we cannot even comprehend the amount of love we have been shown."
On Saturday, Leach shared another heartbreaking photo from her son's hospital bed, where she laid beside her comatose baby boy. Leach said that she had "found clarity in the decisions that we have to make," and that they were making "hand and footprint imprints, a family handprint tree and a fingerprint charm" to keep with them after Crew's death.
"Jeff and I take turns being strong for each other, and our kids have been so strong," she added. "We are just taking things, minute by minute, hour by hour, although it feels like a daze."
On Sunday, Leach couldn't contain her sorrow, and once again opened up about her pain, her anger, her hopelessness and frustration alongside a candid photo of her on the floor of the hospital room bathroom, crying into her arms, with her knees pulled up to her chest.
"It’s all just too much. All of it. I know God has a plan for this, but I’m really really mad at him right now. I cry behind the bathroom door while Jeff holds me, because in the room over everyone else gets to laugh and go on with their lives, and it makes me so angry," Leach wrote. "Running tests on my sons body to see how his organs are functioning before they take them. Pumping breastmilk just to pour it down the drain. Hearing a baby cry. Seeing a baby his age. Shopping Nordstrom for the dress I’ll wear to my son’s funeral. It’s all too much. I’m sorry to vent, but this is my heart."
With no chance at survival, Crew's grieving parents made the tough decision to turn their unimaginable tragedy and heartache into a miracle for another family by donating Crew's organs and saving the lives of other infants facing potentially fatal health issues.
"Crew will be going into the operating room tomorrow at noon to potentially save 3 to 4 babies lives," Leach wrote, alongside a colorful sketch of the Leach family standing alongside Jesus, who is holding Crew in his arms. "Tonight we are soaking up every moment with him by bathing him, holding him and loving him. We ask that you keep our family in your prayers tomorrow, knowing that it will be the hardest day of our life."
One celebrity and fellow mother who shared words of love and support with Leach was Amber Smith, wife of country singer Granger Smith, who suffered her own devastating loss in June when their 3-year-old son, River, died in a drowning accident at their home in Texas.
After Leach posted her first message revealing that her baby boy was in the hospital, Smith commented, "Oh my gosh. Brittani, on my knees for you and your little one and your whole family. I know I’m this is so scary and not fair. I know your fear and your anger and shock. May the Lord wrap you all up, comfort you and heal your sweet baby ❤️❤️❤️??????."
Later, Smith commented under another post, "I keep waking up in the middle of the night to pray for you. I just want to hug your neck. None of it is right. None of it is fair. It shouldn’t be this way."
"Breath by breath, you will make it through this heartache. Allow yourself to cry, scream, question, vent. Fall at His feet. Hold onto hope. Hope and faith will see you through," she added. "I’m so sorry Brittani. ?❤️"
Like the Leach family, the Smiths also donated their late son's organs, and they later revealed that their 3-year-old, in death, gave new life to two adults who desperately needed transplants.
Watch the video below for more on Amber and Granger Smith's loss earlier this year.
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