'I feel like I'm back in sixth grade.' US TOO.
How much pettiness can we fit into one Bachelorette episode? A lot.
After last week's fake love declaration courtesy of Jean Blanc, Monday's episode of the ABC dating show saw a few real ones -- but we were too annoyed by the petty banter to really appreciate it.
Becca Kufrin kicked off the week in Las Vegas with a one-on-one date with Colton, who opened up about his past breakup (not the one with Tia!) and appeared to find some common ground with our Bachelorette. He told the camera he was falling in love with her, but the date was otherwise pretty uneventful -- something we missed in the rest of the episode.
Next came the group date with everyone except David and Jordan, meaning they were the unlucky men to compete for Becca's heart on the two-on-one (stay tuned). The rest of the men headed off to rewrite the lyrics to "Danke Schoen" for Becca. "Today I've heard some really inspiring things, and I've heard some uninspiring things," Wayne Newton told the group. SAME, Wayne. SAME.
Chris brought the house down with his performance, but got hurt that Becca didn't try to come talk to him at the night portion of the date. He threatened to go home, and Becca heard about it because secrets don't exist on The Bachelorette, unless there's a problem with your background check.
Moving on to the highly anticipated two-on-one, we predicted neither man would win Becca's heart, and guess what? We were right! David and Jordan couldn't stop talking about each other on the desert date that was so reminiscent of Chris Soules' two-on-one with Kelsey and Ashley Iaconetti, Chris had to tweet about it (how you doing, boo?).
David, still looking a little worse for wear, told Becca that Jordan thought he was "settling" with her and was checking out other women at their Las Vegas hotel. Jordan went crazy, calling him a "little b**ch rat a**." "You're worse than Arie!" he shouted, which we secretly loved. Becca, however, didn't secretly love this fight. "I feel like I'm back in sixth grade and this whole thing is not only frustrating, this is annoying. This is petty."
Becca sent David home then and there, walking away without so much as a second glance. She and Jordan went on to the night portion of the date, where he demonstrated his model poses and wouldn't stop talking about his portfolio. Alas, Becca didn't think they were a great match.
Next came the cocktail party, where after opening with "You owe me 50,000 kisses right now," Chris decided to bring up that time he threatened to go home. It only got worse from there. The death glare Becca gave him during their convo was no joke, and Chris definitely felt it. After leaving the conversation, he cried to Garrett and Colton, and then decided to interrupt Wills' time with Becca. Bad move.
What ensued felt like 37 minutes of back and forth between Chris and Wills -- who understandably didn't want to give up his time so Chris could get a second go at it. He eventually gave him "two minutes" and returned. Chris didn't think it was actually two minutes, so they continued to fight, until Wills insisted he had to go -- and Becca played peacekeeper, promising to visit Chris later.
She was true to her word, but not before even more fighting between Chris and Wills (and Blake taking the opportunity to tell Becca he's falling in love with her. Get it, Blake!). All the guys got annoyed at Chris, but he somehow crawled his way out of his seemingly deep, deep hole and got back into Becca's good graces -- even after telling her he's "legitimately falling" for her as well.
Chris made it through the rose ceremony, but John, our sweet Silicon Valley guy-turned-lumberjack, did not. The show goes on and moves to the South next week, where hopefully we'll get a couple more doses of drama.
But whose whining could we just not handle this episode: David, Jordan or Chris? Let us know on Facebook at Group Date: ET's Bachelor Nation Support Circle.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
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