Serena chose to end her relationship with Matt after her hometown date.
Serena P. is reflecting on her breakup with Matt James. During The Bachelor's "Women Tell All" episode on Monday, Serena discussed her reasons for choosing to leave the series after her hometown date.
"There were so many times I thought it could be him and I, if I'm being honest," she said. "There was a very large part of this journey that I saw it being Matt and I at the end, and I was so hopeful for that for us."
Serena said she "felt so good" about her relationship with Matt going into hometowns, something she hoped would be reinforced by her family.
"I really was falling in love with him and I really just wanted that reassurance from my family. I was so hopeful that that was going to be the day. I was going to see him with my family and I was going to talk to them," she said. "... I was hoping that hearing them just kind of reaffirm everything I already knew about Matt was what would help it click."
While Serena said that her family "did see how amazing Matt was" and noticed their "chemistry" as a couple, they also felt that something "was off" with her.
"Talking to my mom, it brought clarity, it just wasn't the clarity I was hoping to get that day," Serena said. "There was this feeling in my gut that I was really scared to trust, because I don't think I wanted to. I really wanted it to work out with Matt and I. Talking to my mom, all of those feelings kind of boiled over onto the surface."
"I wasn't sitting there 100 percent that Matt is my person and he is the man I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with," she continued. "They could tell something, for me, was off and that seed of doubt really grew from hearing that."
While speaking to ET's Kevin Frazier on Tuesday, Serena reveals that there was "not anything specific" missing from her and Matt's relationship.
"We had a great relationship. I am super appreciative of the time I spent with Matt. He is a great guy. My heart just was not where I felt it should be at that point," she says. "I was falling in love with him... but that something was just missing for me from the relationship. I didn't know if it was just the situation, or him and I, or if it was something else. I just wanted to be 100 percent confident if I was going to accept an engagement [and] I wasn't."
On "Women Tell All," Serena said her ultimate decision to leave was "super difficult," largely because she still cares about Matt "so much," but she knows it was the right choice.
"Losing him was one thing, but knowing I could be hurting him in the process was just the cherry on top of it all in regards to me feeling hurt and guilty," she said. "As much as it was really hard, though, I would've been doing him a disservice by staying."
"As much as I deserve to be 100 percent on someone, he deserves to be with someone who's 100 percent on him and I couldn't give him that," Serena added. "He had three other amazing women there, who he deserved to explore those relationships [with]. I was confident that they could give him that."
To ET, Serena adds that both the days leading up to and after her decision to break up with Matt "were very emotional."
"To see that he was also emotional, made it that much harder," she says. "I cared about him. I never wanted to hurt him the way I did. It just made my heart break that much more about the situation."
Serena noted on "Women Tell All" that she only wishes "the best" for Matt and hopes "he's happy."
When Matt joined the women onstage later in the show, he reflected on the ending of his relationship with Serena.
"I was happy that she had come to that conclusion and that she was going to be closer to finding someone that she was compatible with, if it wasn't me. But it was hard," he admitted.
Serena agreed that it was "really hard" for her too, but said, "I felt being honest with you was the most respectful thing I could do."
Additionally, Serena tells ET that the "Women Tell All" taping was the only time she's seen Matt in person since leaving the show.
"It was good to see him in person at 'Women Tell All.' I think that we had an amazing connection, and we definitely had chemistry, and that does not just go away just because we are not together anymore," she says. "... I do hope he finds love and happiness with someone... I know he puts a tremendous amount of pressure on himself, so I do hope he's taking that time to take care of himself."
The Bachelor airs Mondays on ABC. Tune in to Tuesday's ET for more of our exclusive interview with Serena.
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