The 'Bachelor' Premiere Ends With Colton Underwood's Biggest Meltdown Yet

If this isn't a dramatic season promo, we don't know what is. We have women in bikinis, a crying Bachelor and a panicked Chris Harrison. 

We have Colton talking about losing his virginity -- "it will be tender," he promises -- Demi falling in love, Caelynn being emotionally tormented, Nicole being called a liar and someone talking major sh*t. 

Perhaps most shocking, however, isn't a replay of Colton's fence-jump, but rather his complete and utter meltdown over being "blindsided."

"This information changes everything," Chris says -- and we believe him!

The night "exceeded all expectations" for Colton, but that doesn't mean every woman did... 

"You all look so beautiful," he says before handing out the roses (yup, that's it), and saying goodbye to Revian, Alex D. (our sloth), Laura, Jane Tahzjuan, Erin and Devin -- with a devastating crying shot of the latter as the rest of the women celebrate.

We love you, Chris Harrison! Our Bachelor host with the most receives a very special tribute in the form of an incredible montage of his many, many Bachelor seasons.

From his very first appearance on the show in 2002, to the many marriages he's officiated, to Bad Chad's infamous "F**k you, Chris Harrison," the clip truly is the perfect way to honor our beloved host. 

Colton makes an appearance at Harrison's viewing party to offer some insight into his night one decisions -- and says he actually appreciated Catherine's persistence.

"I knew it was stirring some stuff up," he reveals. "I knew she was there for me." 

As for the first impression rose, that one was more of a no-brainer. "I was nervous to even hand that one out, but Hannah, from the very beginning, reminded me of home," he shares.

What's sweeter, the first impression rose or a smooch from Colton? Well, Hannah G. just got both. "From the beginning of the night, I've put a lot of thought into the first impression rose... It's so enjoyable to be around you... so Hannah, will you accept this rose?" Colton tells Hannah, before offering her the night's coveted prize. "This validates everything," she says, accepting the first impression rose, and puckering up for a kiss.

"There's definitely a chemistry and a nice spark with Hannah," Colton tells the camera. "I didn't want to stop kissing her tonight." 

"I never, ever thought I'd be considered for this," Hannah, meanwhile, says. "I haven't felt this quick and easy of feelings, ever." 

Colton's bringing the passion! The Bachelor once again let his lips do the talking as he plants one on Katie after a heartfelt conversation about their families. 

"I never expected to get kissed on the first night, but it was really good, and I feel like we have a good connection, so I'm excited," she gushes. 

Things didn't work out between Ben and Lauren Bushnell, but he may have just found love at tonight's viewing party in Utah. A lovely audience member announces that she has a pass from her husband tonight, and gets down on one knee to propose to the former Bachelor. 

"We have the third proposal of the night!" Ashley yells, as Chris Harrison calls out for Neil Lane to get his butt to Utah. 

Finally some drama! "I heard you were drowning in some b**ches!" Onyeka yells in a snorkel (we laughed, we have to admit) while interrupting Colton's conversation with Catherine. From there, we get a series of interruptions by Catherine -- until Onyeka decides to confront her about it.

"If you don't have haters, you're not doing something right," Catherine says, and Onyeka seemingly thinks they've cleared the air... until Catherine interrupts a woman for the fourth time. We have our season's villain!

So that's what she looks like! After hanging around the mansion for most of the night (she literally hung from a tree), Alex D. decides it's time to show Colton was underneath the costume -- and it's a beautiful face, and a lot of talking about how much she loves her life. She, like, really loves everything about it. 

Bow chicka wow wow! Colton may be a virgin, but his lips are not! Our Bachelor has officially given out his first kiss of the season, to Miss North Carolina Caelynn. 

"He kisses very well for a virgin!" she tells the camera after their lip lock. "I was shocked at how he took the initiative and drew me in."

Becca and her fiance, Garrett, make a special appearance at Ashley and Jared's viewing party in Utah, before getting a special shout out from Colton as he greeted his 30 women for the first time on night one. 

"You all are stunning tonight, and any expectation I had of how that was going to go, you blew it away. I'm so excited to start this journey with all of you," he tells his contestants. "I fell in love with Becca, and while that didn't work out, I'm so grateful for that heartbreak because its led me here to tonight... I am so excited and I am so ready for all of this. I'm very hopeful that standing in this room tonight is my wife."

Congrats again to another viewing party couple, whose names we do not know!

Fans are living out their Bachelor dreams in real time tonight, and while we're not as psyched about it as Harrison is, it's definitely keeping us on our toes. 

Bri's Australian accent during her limo exit may have impressed American audiences, but it was a little "on the delicate side," according to Courtney and Lily from Bachelor Winter Games. 

The cute couple (who, yes, is the only remaining couple from the spinoff) stop by Harrison's viewing party to give Bri a few tips on her accent -- like "drink a few beers" first!

Two girls, one dress, both stay? Between Heather and Laura -- who wore it better? 

"Hi Colton. I heard you take things... slow....ly," Alex D. says after exiting the limo IN A SLOTH COSTUME. 

"Oh boy, this is going to take forever," Colton replies, and he's right.

Popping cherries and taking V-cards... this will be an interesting night!

That didn't take long! We all know Colton's a virgin, and contestant Demi didn't waste any time in bringing it up to him. 

"I have not dated a virgin since I was 12, but I'm excited to give it another shot," she teases -- though Colton doesn't seem to mind. 

"Alright, I love that," he replies, later confessing, "Oh boy, I am in trouble." 

Someone is getting engaged on the live show! ... And we have no idea who it is! Nope, it's not a Bachelor alum, it's a couple of random people at Ashley and Jared's Park City, Utah, party, who just happen to love Colton and love The Bachelor! 

Host Chris Harrison seems to get a big kick of it, however, teasing that he hopes Colton's season ends the same way. 

Marriage and babies are in Colton's future -- at least according to our favorite Bachelor alums!

Ashley and JP, Jason and Molly, Trista and Ryan, Evan and Carly, Tanner and Jade and more of Bachelor success stories give updates on their sweet families, with Trista and Ryan's son hilariously revealing he thought his parents met in college!

Damn, Colton! We didn't know it was that serious! 

The episode brings things back with a little Colton refresher, with our Bachelor recalling his relationship with Becca Kufrin, and revealing that he almost lost his virginity to her! "I was ready to lose my virginity to Becca," he says. "I was devastated when that relationship ended." 

So, what is he waiting for now? "I'm not waiting for a ring. I'm not waiting for marriage. I'm waiting to be in love, for it to feel right," Colton shares. "I can't wait to get started." 

It's time to meet Colton's women! After a few impressive prospects, we're introduced to 22-year-old Heather... who found a way to one-up Colton's virginity reveal by sharing that she has never been kissed!

"Here's the thing. I've never had sex before, and I've never kissed anyone," she confesses. We'll see how this goes... 

The Bachelor is doing things big this year, as Harrison kicks off live premiere parties across the nation. Almost-Bachelors Blake and Jason join a viewing party in Lansing, Michigan, Ashley and Jared celebrate from Park City, Utah, Krystal and Chris hot tub it up on a studio lot, and former Bachelorettes Kaitlyn and JoJo are live from Dallas, Texas -- with Harrison's mom!

"What could possibly go wrong? Kaitlyn, JoJo and my mom in a bar on live TV!" Harrison says. Guess we'll find out!

It's finally time! Chris Harrision is kicking off the festivities live in Hollywood. "Buckle up!"