The 'Watchmen' star reflected on what life has been like for her since the death of her son, Ian.
Regina King is getting candid about how she's processing the death of her son, Ian, in January 2022. In an intimate Harper's Bazaar interview for the outlet's Possibility Issue, the Shirley star reflects on her son's battle with depression and the path of healing she's been on that helps her as she's "making it through."
"When I look at all of the work and everything that we and Ian put into trying to move through the depression ... I mean, he's pure joy and pure light," she tells the outlet, slipping for a moment into the present tense. "But he was struggling so much. We knew. We knew what we were going through, but he never presented that way."
"That's why I know that a smile doesn't always mean happy," she adds. "He would never not let whoever he was with feel like they were the most special person in the world. So for me, I'm like, 'Man, he was putting a lot into things, a lot into people, a lot into this world, and yet it wasn't translating back.'"
Ian Alexander Jr. was the only child of King and her ex-husband, record producer Ian Alexander. The exes were married in 1997 and were together for a decade before divorcing. According to multiple reports, Ian Jr. died by suicide shortly after celebrating his 26th birthday in 2022.
King released a statement at the time of Ian's death saying the family was "devastated at the deepest level by the loss of Ian." She added, "He is such a bright light who cared so deeply about the happiness of others. Our family asks for respectful consideration during this private time. Thank you."
"One of the things I've learned on this journey is that gratitude and sadness are not mutually exclusive; they're always working at the same time," King tells Harper's Bazaar of processing her loss. "I just have to navigate this. Sometimes it's minute by minute."
The star reveals that she's built a community with other mothers who understand her grief.
"I'm aware when I talk to other mothers -- and I hate that we share this because I feel like I don't want anyone to share this, but because we do share it, they have just taught me so much," she says. "Having those women in my life reminding me of the importance of not isolating -- because it's really easy to isolate, especially when the majority of people in the world have no idea whatsoever of this level of grief. But talking to women who are like, 'It's not going to go away.' At least I know that. "
The Academy Award winner noted that a common thread in her conversations with other mothers is the feeling that there is no preparation for losing a child. "No one told me this part. There's something about them, 11 years, 12 years later -- the grief is still there," she shares. "So, at least I know. I do know that. And I think even without them telling me that, I feel that inside. I think they just confirmed that for me. I read somewhere that grief is love with no place to go, and I was like, 'Huh ... yeah ... that does sum it up in some way.'"
Ian's death momentarily paused King's work on the John Ridley-directed Shirley Chisholm biopic that premiered on Netflix last Friday. The decision to finish shooting the film a few months after her son's death came from wanting to respect his memory.
"I know Ian would have felt like if I didn't finish something because of a choice that he needed to make, then I wasn't honoring him," King says. "We all landed at the finish line on Ian's wings. He guided us there."
King recently made one of her moves back into the spotlight since her son's death at the 96th annual Academy Awards. She served as one of the presenters as Da'Vine Joy Randolph won the award for Best Supporting Actress. In tribute to Ian, King wore his favorite color, orange.
Shortly after, the Watchmen star's sit-down interview with Robin Roberts for Good Morning America aired, in which King reflected on what life has been like for her since her 26-year-old son's death.
"I'm a different person now than I was then on Jan. 19," King shared. "Grief is a journey, you know?"
"I know that it's important for me to honor Ian and the totality of who he is," King told Roberts. She noted that she prefers to "speak about him in the present, because he's always with me."
Reflecting on Ian's mental health struggles, King said, "To have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian's choice, which I respect and understand, that he didn't want to be here anymore -- that's a hard thing for people to receive because they did not live our experience. They did not live Ian's journey."
The actress admitted to being "so angry with God" for giving "that weight" of depression to Ian.
"All of the things that we had gone through, the therapy, psychiatrists and programs and he just, Ian was like, 'I'm tired of talking, Mom,'" she recalled. "My favorite thing about myself is being Ian's mom and I can't say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotions that come with that, I can't do that if I did not respect the journey."
"Oh, it's a trigger, absolutely," King told Roberts of attending the awards shows, where her son previously served as her date. "Sometimes it'll trigger just laughter, most times as of recent, it triggers a smile, but sometimes the absence, his absence, is really loud."
The star concluded, reflecting on the "guilt" she feels in the wake of Ian's death.
"When a parent loses a child, you still wonder what could I have done so that wouldn't have happened," she admitted. "I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian's mom. Only me. And so, it's mine and the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me, and I think I saw somewhere, 'The sadness is a reminder of how much he means to me.'"
Regina King's cover issue of Harper's Bazaar hits newsstands on April 2.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
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