The 'DWTS' pro posted an emotional reflection on her fertility journey to Instagram on Tuesday.
Peta Murgatroyd announced on Tuesday that her IVF transfer did not work, posting a long reflection about the heartbreaking process to Instagram.
"Transfer Day Part 2," the Dancing With the Stars pro began her post. "I promised you all that I would be open and honest. I had times where I was unsure of that decision throughout my IVF journey and even more so after we got the news that our transfer did not work. But going back on my word after being such an open book wouldn't be right."
She then wrote about the whiplash of emotions between implanting the embryo and learning it had failed. "One of the happiest days of my life, and then 10 days later one of the saddest moments I'll never forget," she wrote. "Standing on the side of the road in West Hollywood, hoping for the best….thinking this was MY time, my turn for 'happiness'. Life is funny though. When you think you got it figured out, it slaps you in the face and makes you start over. I keep learning that 'Gods plans will always be more beautiful than all your disappointments'… I have to keep believing that."
Peta posted the caption along with a video documenting the day of the embryo transfer. Fans can see the microscope image of the embryo just before the transfer and hear Peta describing where she and her husband, former DWTS star Maksim Chmerkovskiy, will use the ultrasound machine.
"I can barely watch the part where I have to verify my name and DOB," Peta continued in the caption. "It was so hard to rewatch it and cut this video. That part was a moment in time where I saw my baby. It felt final, it felt like this was it….that was my baby..and I got a little preview of them at the earliest stage of their life. It felt other-worldly special, I felt privileged. I really did think that this was going to work. Looking into Maks eyes as he was crying, seeing our baby together…just made this experience so worth it even though it didn’t turn out how we had hoped."
In the video, Peta and Maks return home to Malibu after the transfer procedure, where they spent time with their 5-year-old son, Shai. "Shai was my best helper, I didn't tell him to do anything, but to be careful with mummy," Peta wrote in the video. "He insisted on giving me water and to keep me and the baby warm. He seriously wouldn't leave my side. We played games...and danced for 48 hours straight!! He would hug my tummy and try to listen for the baby's voice. He is the sweetest boy on Earth!"
Peta paired the description with clips of Shai covering his mother with a blanket in bed and later dancing at her side while she rested.
The video ends with a black screen that reads, "We found out that we, in fact, do not have a baby. I'll never forget the phone call. My heart sank when Dr Surrey said 'Hi Peta... well...' with a long pause after. I couldn't breathe, my throat immediately got lumpy and I knew what was coming... A little part of me died tat day on the side of the road."
In the final paragraphs of her caption, Peta offered some hope: "I have taken the necessary steps to start the healing process," she wrote. "To sit in my feelings, and feel what I need to, to start moving forward with an open heart. I want to thank you all for coming along with me on this journey. I can’t tell you how much your guidance and advice has helped navigate me through my first round of IVF. From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU 🙏🏻❤️ Thank you to the incredible @scrcivf team and @drmarksurrey. I will get my baby, just not right now…and to all the women who have gone through this multiple times over, I bow down. You're warriors and you give me strength everyday. This shit ain't easy."
Peta's post comes after she and Maks told ET last month that they are in the last stages of IVF.
"It's going really well," Peta had said. "We're very excited. We're kind of in the last stages of it. There should be -- fingers crossed -- a pregnancy pretty soon."
As for the toll IVF has taken on her and her relationship with her husband, Peta said, "You hear the horror stories about it -- marriages breaking up, all that stuff -- it's pretty dramatic, but it hasn't gone there."
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