'Incomparable,' co-written with her twin sister, Brie Bella, is out now.
Nikki Bella is opening up about two traumatic moments she experienced as a teenager.
In her new tell-all memoir, Incomparable (which she co-authored with twin sister Brie Bella), the 36-year-old former WWE star shockingly reveals that she was raped twice when she was in high school.
Nikki shares in the book that the first attack happened when she was just 15 years old. She recalls the details of how her "virginity was stolen" from her without her consent.
"There were some experiences I wish I could forget, but I feel, more than ever at this point in the culture, like I need to revisit and share," she writes. "When I was fifteen, I lost my virginity -- on the floor of a Hyatt hotel room on the 4th of July. 'Lost my virginity' is very inaccurate, actually. My virginity was stolen from me, without my consent. I was raped, by a guy I thought was a friend, while I was passed out at a party. I’d had too many beers, and maybe some shots of hard alcohol, and I only woke up because my stomach hurt -- I came to, and this guy was both on top of me and inside of me. I pushed him off and ran out of the room -- he followed me down the hall and asked me if this meant we were now boyfriend/girlfriend."
"It is f**ked up -- shocking in retrospect -- that it never occurred to me to call the police. I didn’t even tell my sister because by admitting that it had happened, it became true, it became fact," she continues. "While I didn’t know what to do about it, I had even less of a clue how to address the shame and revolting feelings of ickiness that permeated my whole being. I had never even seen a penis, yet I was no longer a virgin."
Nikki says she was raped again a few months later, at the age of 16, by a college-aged man whom she claims drugged her and her friend in a hotel room in California.
"I hadn’t drunk very much before I felt really dizzy and stood up to go to the bathroom, thinking I might vomit. One of the guys followed me in and bashed my head against the bathroom sink," she writes. "I had clearly been roofied -- I was groggy, and I couldn’t see straight, but I could see four condom wrappers littered across the bathroom floor and realized that I had been raped."
The Dancing With the Stars alum then recalls hitting the man in the face, escaping out of the bathroom, and running all the way back to the hotel where she was staying at with her friend and her friend's mother.
"My friend was there. She had left me behind and run. But she had also been raped and was hysterical and in the shower," Nikki remembers. "Her mom held me until I calmed down. Then, for some reason, the three of us decided not to call the police, not to tell anyone. We all decided to pretend like it had never happened. Even my mom is learning about this for the first time in this book."
"The #MeToo movement both enthralls me with its potential and reminds me why rape and sexual assault are a double slap for women," she adds. "There is the horrible offense in the moment, and then the shame and blame that follow and feel almost worse than the original pain. When something like this happens to you, you understand the blame-the-victim mentality, how easy it is to feel shame rather than anger, how easy it is to feel like you could have stopped it yourself."
Nikki exclusively teased to ET last month that the stories she and Brie were planning to share in Incomparable, out now, were "never told before," and not even showcased on their reality TV series, Total Bellas. The brunette beauty, who is currently expecting her first child with fiance Artem Chigvintsev, also revealed that, for her, the candidness in the book was possible due to her highly publicized breakup from John Cena in 2018.
"What we've realized from being in the spotlight now for 13 years and being reality stars for seven, is that people like to know they're not alone when they go through certain situations," she shared. "I think that really opened up in my eyes through my breakup. It was so hard to showcase that and live through it, but I can't tell you how many women and men constantly come up to me like, 'Thank you for showcasing that, because you helped me get through what I went through.'"
"My mom is gonna find out one story when the book comes out, which I'm kind of nervous for," she continued. "It's a story that, like, no one knows except for my sister. And I had to tell Artem. John had known. But, like, it was very tragic... So it's tough."
Hear more in the video below.
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