The rapper reflects on how she and her husband handled their son's infancy together as a team.
In a rare, intimate interview for Vogue's December issue cover story, Nicki Minaj opens up about her marriage to her high school flame, Kenneth Petty, and how they tackled their journey into parenthood.
Minaj, born Onika Tanya Maraj, married Petty in October 2019, and welcomed their first child nearly a year later. They publicly refer to their 3-year-old son as Papa Bear, never revealing his real name.
"When I was little, I always imagined princess and marriage and the wedding and now it's more to me about the life, the future, the love, the partnership, than the wedding," Minaj told ET in 2019. "[It's] so strange 'cause I didn't expect myself to be one of those people who didn't care about the hoopla, but I really don't."
In June 2020, she talked about their marriage during her appearance on Lil Wayne's Apple Music series, Young Money Radio.
"I didn't think it would be as refreshing and calming as it is," she said. "Even if you're not married, when you have someone that feels like your soul mate or someone who understands you, it just makes you feel like you're on top of the world."
Minaj has often defended her husband and marriage against criticism since it was discovered that Petty is a registered sex offender. Petty's sex offender registration is a result of a 1994 incident where a 16-year-old girl reported that Petty raped her at knifepoint. Petty, who was also 16 at the time, was charged with first-degree rape. He initially denied the accusations, before pleading guilty to attempted rape. He served more than four years in prison and was ordered to register as a sex offender.
Although she doesn't address his "checkered past," Minaj tells Vogue that Petty's indifference to "the hard, dazzling shell" of her fame drew her to him when they reunited.
"Because I've known my husband for so long, there's an ease we have with each other," she tells the outlet. "We make each other laugh. We're silly. And we're always reminiscing about some old story. If it was a guy that I met as Nicki Minaj, I think I'd feel like they liked me because I'm Nicki Minaj, and what if I don't look like Nicki Minaj every day? And that, combined with pregnancy, would probably have made me crazy."
Although Minaj has never shied away from sharing photos or videos of her son with her legion of fans -- known as Barbz -- the rapper has rarely provided insight into her mindset during her pregnancy. Minaj admits that she initially thought of her marriage and motherhood as escapes from her long-established brand.
She recalls telling people that when she became a mother, she would be entirely focused on their care, believing that she could solely focus on being a mother rather than being consumed with her rapping career.
"But what happens is that you find out you have to work," she says, reflecting on how she and Petty tackled their son's infancy with "no help whatsoever save for an occasional brief visit from a grandparent."
The rapper admits that the experience was the most exhausted she's ever been, including her three world tours. That exhaustion affected her marriage, with Minaj sharing that "things got testy" between her and Petty.
"Because of our history, I think we knew we'd get past it. But there's no such thing as confidence in parenthood," she notes. "...There's a level of anxiety, and you think it's going to go away, but in fact it gets scarier. So often you think: I don't know how to do this!"
It was after a conversation with another woman about mom guilt that Minaj realized that trying to stay away from "the only thing I know how to freaking do" was fruitless. So she returned to make music, which leads to the imminent release of her upcoming fifth studio album, Pink Friday 2.
"When you look around and try to keep yourself in a grateful frame of mind, the things that you can be thankful for seem to start adding up, and you realize that in the big scheme of things, most of the stuff you would have complained about is so trivial," she tells the outlet of her new state of mind leading to the album's release.
"It's been a constant race. But then you stop and realize, there's nothing to run around for. That's the thing that's changed in me. It's not that I've taken these amazing steps. It's just about finally being happy with who you are as opposed to where you are."
Minaj's Vogue issue hits newsstands on Nov. 21.
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