'We hurt each other,' she admitted in her candid post.
Jessica White is opening up about her relationship with Nick Cannon. Ahead of the season premiere of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta on Tuesday, White, who's starring on the show, took to Instagram to send a message to her ex after being unable to reach him directly.
"I know you're upset about the show but after eight years I can't stand when things catch you off guard," she wrote, "and I feel like you deserve way more respect as a man even though I may be more respectful than you ever gave me with public announcements."
White and Cannon began dating in 2015, and the model noted in her post that she gave the TV personality "eight ride or die years," all while "praying" that he'd "see me the way I deserved."
"I wanted it to work, prayed every day that you'd see me and love me the way that I loved you. Maybe you did but just kept it from me during the relationship," she wrote. "I walked away with more questions than anything, I don't know till this day really why current things had to happen."
White revealed that she wants "the world to know" that she "didn't always feel good, like [Cannon] was proud to have me as a partner." That's changed now, though.
"I'm so happy I can say that now and still know how awesome I am," she wrote. "I'm proud I can say the truth and how I'm healthy emotionally and wouldn't change my insane insecurities that I prayed off my life."
Those insecurities, she admitted, go back to "way before Nick."
"I never felt love that was safe even as a kid so no Nick you didn't cause that pain I had it long before us but I put it off on you unfairly without seeing that my healing needed to be deeper past us," she wrote. "I mean you added to it but my fear of not being loved wasn't broken by you I'd like to publicly say that."
White additionally wrote that she felt as if Cannon "always put the other women on a pedestal," which made her feel "beyond unstable."
Cannon has 12 children with six different women. He and White nearly added to that number in 2020, but she suffered a miscarriage. Their split shortly thereafter was partly due to Cannon's announcement that he was expecting a baby with Brittany Bell, White told Jason Lee in 2021.
"She was aware that I had just had a miscarriage, two weeks prior to her news coming out, because he told me that he told her. And I was living at his house, she knew that as well. But I found out on Instagram along with the rest of the world," White said at the time. "I was going through still my hormonal changes, and we were about to start in vitro. So when I came out, people thought I was this homewrecker. No, there was a real-life going on. I was bullied for months with that whole situation. I still tried to be nice about it. We didn't break up right away, we tried to work things out."
In her post, White said she was speaking out now "because I'm going to move on from public shame [that] has been over my life since I was at the top of my game in fashion."
"I know the truth now about just how much healing I needed and God has taken my hurt I'm not ashamed by being beautiful and successful and not being loved with care throughout my life because there's big big love coming to me that will fill up my memories with joy," she wrote. "God will get the glory out of my broken past not shame nor sadness. The truth is NC and I were both beautifully broken when we were children and didn't know how to love each other. Instead we hurt each other."
White's post came the month after Cannon, in his own interview with Lee, said he was "still in love" with White.
"That woman has overcome so much, and is just a light and an angel to so many, who operates on a higher frequency," Cannon said at the time, before discussing how things went down when White publicly opened up about her miscarriage.
"Because of the power of the media and who I am in the media, she felt like there was a narrative that they say about all the mothers of my children, all of this low-frequency negativity," he said. "I take full accountability. I want her to share her true and honest story at any time."
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