Zen died at five months of brain cancer and a subsequent tumor.
Nick Cannon is thankful for the support he's received amid a devastating time. On Wednesday's episode of his eponymous talk show, the 41-year-old host reflected on the love he's been shown in the wake of his youngest son, Zen's, death.
Zen, whose mom is Alyssa Scott, died of brain cancer and a subsequent tumor. He was five months old.
"Thank you. I need it. I need it," Cannon said, as he walked out to the stage to applause from his studio audience. "Even in our lowest moments, it's the other people around you, it's your family that builds you up, so thank you."
After the applause quieted, Cannon said, "People keep asking me how I am doing. I say, 'I'm vertical.' I'm standing. That is a good start," before noting that he's taking things "five minutes at a time."
Cannon also addressed why he's working in the wake of the tragedy, explaining, "To me, this isn't work. This is love. And I love you back. This is therapy for me. This is therapeutic."
As for how he's doing now, Cannon admitting, "I'm a little torn. I'm a little confused."
Amid his grief, Cannon said he's been listening to gospel music as, "You get all of the pain, you get all of the joy, and all of the reverence, and you just know there is a greater, higher power that operating all of this."
"If there is any religion, music should be a religion because it just brings the whole world together," he said. "And there's something about gospel music."
Specifically, Cannon has found comfort in Rev. James Cleveland's song "I Stood on the Banks of Jordan."
"It's a reference of just how people come and go... Grieving, it's like the ocean. It's like an ebb and flow. Every five minutes, you never know," he said. "One of the lines in the song is, 'I'm confused in my mind, broken in my heart, but I still hold my head to the sky.' That is the personification of where I am, because I'm still grieving, I feel guilty on so many levels."
"I never want to exploit this. I kept it private for so long, since I found out about Zen's diagnosis [out of] respect to his mother, Alyssa [Scott], everyone in our family," he continued. "So yesterday, the onslaught of really love, and care, it's brand-new to me, so I'm dealing with it. So thank you. That's all I can say. We are going to get to it."
While Cannon admitted that he's "not fine," he told his audience, "you guys are making me feel better."
A rep for Cannon's show tells ET that the host will continue doing live shows through the end of next week, and the show will go on a previously scheduled hiatus starting Dec. 20th until the new year.
Cannon first revealed the tragic news on the Tuesday episode of his talk show, sharing that he took Zen to the doctor after noticing a cough, "interesting breathing," and the baby's "nice sized head."
It was then that they discovered Zen had hydrocephalus, which Mayo Clinic describes as "the buildup of fluid in the cavities (ventricles) deep within the brain... [which] increases the size of the ventricles and puts pressure on the brain."
Zen underwent brain surgery and had a shunt inserted to drain the fluid, but things soon took a turn for the worse on Thanksgiving, when "the tumor began to grow a lot faster."
"This weekend I made a valid effort to spend the most quality time I could spend with Zen," Cannon said while getting choked up. "We woke up on Sunday -- I got to spend the weekend with him -- and I woke up on Sunday and was like, 'I feel like I want to go to the water.' We got a chance to go to the ocean."
"I didn't know how I was going to handle today, but I just wanted to grieve with my family," he continued, adding that he's at work so soon after because this is all he knows, calling the episode a "special show dedicated to my beautiful son, Zen."
Following Cannon's announcement, Scott shared photos and videos of Zen on her Instagram Story, in tribute to her late son.
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