The rapper speaks to 'ELLE' magazine about why this is 'the final time' she's addressing the 2020 incident.
After several months of silence, Megan Thee Stallion is speaking up. In an intimate story for ELLE's May cover issue, the 28-year-old rapper opens up about her healing journey after testifying against one-time friend Tory Lanez during his felony assault trial in December.
In August 2020, Megan accused the 30-year-old rapper of shooting her in the feet after a pool party at the home of Kylie Jenner in July of that year. Lanez was officially charged in October 2020 and pleaded not guilty to all charges.
After a week-long trial, the Canadian rapper was convicted on three counts at the Clara Shortridge Foltz Criminal Justice Center in Los Angeles on Dec. 23, 2022. He faces over 20 years in prison and deportation. The hearing for his new trial motion will be heard on May 8, and if it’s rejected, Lanez will be sentenced.
Since then, Megan has been at the center of a maelstrom since coming forward with her allegations against Lanez in August 2020. The case has played out on social media and even in music released by rappers not involved in the conflict. Megan has called out false reporting, dealt with Lanez allegedly fabricating emails from her label for the press and suffered intense victim-blaming from the shooting incident.
Reflecting on the past three years, the Traumazine artist tells ELLE that she doesn't want to call herself a victim, rather she views herself "as a survivor."
"I have truly survived the unimaginable. Not only did I survive being shot by someone I trusted and considered a close friend, but I overcame the public humiliation of having my name and reputation dragged through the mud by that individual for the entire world to see," she says, referencing the wave of backlash from peers and fans alike after coming forward with her accusations. "For years, my attacker tried to leverage social media to take away my power. Imagine how it feels to be called a liar every day? Especially from a person who was once part of your inner circle."
The GRAMMY winner shares that she wishes she could have handled everything privately, but felt her hand was forced by Lanez. "...Once my attacker made it public, everything changed. By the time I identified my attacker, I was completely drained. Many thought I was inexplicably healed because I was still smiling through the pain, still posting on social media, still performing, still dancing, and still releasing music," she recounts, admitting that despite what she posted on social media, she had begun falling into "a depression."
She reveals, "I was in such a low place that I didn't even know what I wanted to rap about. I wondered if people even cared anymore. There would be times that I'd literally be backstage or in my hotel, crying my eyes out, and then I'd have to pull Megan Pete together and be Megan Thee Stallion."
Although Megan calls the jury's Dec. 23 conviction "vindication for me" and "a victory for every woman who has ever been been shamed, dismissed and blamed for a violent crime committed against them," she shares that the experience shed even more light on why violence against women can be largely unreported.
"So many times, people looked at me and thought, 'You look strong. You're outspoken. You're tall. You don't look like somebody who needs to be saved.' They assumed that, per preconceived stigmas, 'I didn't fit the profile of a victim,' and that I didn't need support or protection," she reflects. "Time after time, women are bullied with backlash for speaking out against their attackers, especially when they're accusing someone who is famous and wealthy... Any support and empathy that I received was drowned out by overwhelming doubt and criticism from so many others."
Megan previously shared similar sentiments with Rolling Stone, saying, "I think it’s so crazy that people are able to get online or publish anything that is not a 100 percent fact... That really is messing with my life. How are you able to do it and get away with it? I see people saying, 'Damn, I would’ve shot that b**ch too.' In some kind of way I became the villain."
"And I don’t know if people don’t take it seriously because I seem strong. I wonder if it’s because of the way I look," she added. "Is it because I’m not light enough? Is it that I’m not white enough? Am I not the shape? The height? Because I’m not petite? Do I not seem like I’m worth being treated like a woman?"
Still, testifying has allowed the Something for Thee Hotties rapper to let go of a weight that has been burdening her since the entire debacle began. "These last few months, I've been healing after being in such a dark place," she tells ELLE, sharing how she's stepped away from social media and spending time being present in her life with those close to her, including her dogs.
She reveals that she still has anxiety and talking about the shooting "still makes me emotional," which has led her to journeling and prayer for processing. "But that's the process of healing: It's an ongoing process with moments of fear and uncertainty mixed in with blissful realization," she says.
And part of that process is controlling her own narrative, which includes establishing a boundary on when and with whom she shares her thoughts on the 2020 incident. "My purpose is for these words to serve as the final time that I'll address anything regarding this case in the press. I understand the public intrigue, but for the sake of my mental health, I don't plan to keep reliving the most traumatic experience of my life over and over again," she states. "I'm choosing to change the narrative because I'm more than just my trauma. I was once told that you can't have crucifixion without resurrection, and that statement resonated so deeply with me. This is a rebirth of a happier and healthier me."
Thanking her fans and sharing that she is excited to get back into making music again, Megan shares what she hopes everyone learns from her experience, especially those with platforms to enact change as a society.
"We can't control what others think, especially when the lies are juicier than the truth. But as a society, we must create safer environments for women to come forward about violent behavior without fear of retaliation," she says. "We must provide stronger resources for women to recover from these tragedies physically and emotionally, without fear of judgment. We must do more than say her name. We must protect all women who have survived the unimaginable."
"For anyone who has survived violence, please know your feelings are valid," she concludes. "You matter. You are not at fault. You are important. You are loved. You are not defined by your trauma. You can continue to write beautiful, new chapters to your life story. Just because you are in a bad situation doesn't mean you are a bad person. Our value doesn't come from the opinions of other people. As long as you stand your ground and live in your truth, nobody can take your power."
Watch the video below for more on Lanez's conviction and the upcoming hearing.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential.
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