The singer also credits girlfriend Megan Fox for helping him get through 'those dark nights.'
Machine Gun Kelly is opening up about the year that saved his life.
In a candid conversation with Dave Franco for Interview magazine, the 30-year-old "Bloody Valentine" singer (real name: Colson Baker) revealed he just started going to therapy.
"I've been Machine Gun Kelly since I was 15," he explained. "When you grow up and that's the only name you have, you embody that person. Machine Gun Kelly was a gangster. He wasn't a reverend. When you take on that moniker, you take on some of that energy."
When asked by Franco if he'd be open to talking about his drug and alcohol use while writing and recording music, MGK said, "I think I watched myself believe that drugs were how you attained a level, or unlocked something in your brain, and I've seen the pros and cons of it."
"Adderall was a huge thing for me for a long time. And I went from orally taking it to then snorting it, and then it became something where I was scared to ever go into a studio if I didn't have something," MGK confessed. "I wouldn’t even step out unless there was a medicine man who was going to visit me and give me what I needed. And that's where it becomes a problem. You're telling yourself you can't do this without that, when really it's in you the whole time. If that pill did that for you, then everyone who's taken that would just be making albums and writing songs. And so that limited me."
MGK admitted that he developed his rebellious side at a young age, due to growing up with a father "who was extremely religious and extremely strict." (The singer revealed in a heartbreaking post shared to social media in July that his father died.)
"He wouldn't even let me hold my pen the way I wanted to hold my pen. That made me rebel completely, and cut off communication completely, because I didn't want to have any common ground with him," MGK told Franco. "I don't want to have that with my daughter [Casie]. Honesty is the key to that relationship. But also, as I grow, that same person who I was when I was 25 isn't who I am now. Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than commitment to a vice that I believed made the art."
MGK revealed that he's currently taking steps to change. He had his first therapy session last month.
"That's the first time I ever went, 'Hey, I need to separate these two people,' which is Machine Gun Kelly and Colson Baker. The dichotomy is too intense for me,'" he said. "I'm early in the process. The tools that I've been given to start with seem helpful, I think. I'm still kind of ripping my hair out. Why am I not changing overnight? How am I supposed to meditate for 10 minutes when I can't even sit in my own brain for two minutes without distracting myself by doing something?"
"That's really hard. But the commitment to change is inspiring, and I think will reverberate through the universe and definitely through my family," he added. "I can see it already with the people around me. The willingness to finally be happy with my own self has invited a much more vibrant energy around us than before."
Although 2020 hasn't exactly been the best year for anyone, MGK can't complain. On top of prioritizing his health, he's also celebrating the massive success of his fifth record, Tickets to My Downfall, and enjoying his newfound relationship with Megan Fox.
"Everything that's happening now, I feel like I was in the car manifesting it," he gushed. "My fifth album is my most well-received, my highest-selling, my biggest debut."
"And when you have a partner, mine being Megan, sitting there with you on those dark nights when you're sweating and not being able to figure out why you're so in your head, to help you get out of your head and put it in perspective, that really, really helps," he added.
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