'I'm not there yet.'
Lady Gaga is considering getting sober. During a chat with Zane Lowe on Apple Music, the 34-year-old pop star revealed why she's been considering the possibility of sobriety.
"I've flirted with the idea of sobriety. I'm not there yet, but I flirted with it throughout the album," she said of Chromatica, which is due out May 29. "It's something that came up as a result of me trying to work through the pain that I was feeling."
"But part of my healing process was going, 'Well, I can either lash the hell out of myself every day for continuing to drink, or I can just be happy that I'm still alive and keep going and feel good enough,'" she continued. "I am good enough... I'm perfectly imperfect."
While she's unsure if getting sober will come to fruition, Gaga did quit something else recently.
"I quit smoking. Whole time, not even one... Quitting is so hard. It's hard, but you know what? I would sit on my porch and chain smoke all day," she said. "I smoked the whole way through making this record. And when we were done, I stopped. It was the most bizarre, beautiful thing that could have happened, that this music actually healed me."
Just as her music healed her, Gaga is hoping that her album, along with her philanthropy work, social media presence and supportive nature, will help others in need.
"This is not just about music. This is about culture. This is about how can I do something? Where do I fit in? What do I mean in this industry? And you know what? If my record is loved by people, great. And if not, I really hope that young female artists or young artists of any gender identity, any sexual identity, will know that I'm rooting for them and I love them," she said. "I hope that through this record, and I hope that through the conduit, that is me, that I can do whatever I can to just be a citizen of the world."
"I was born this way. This is how I am," Gaga continued. "I feel this way and help to shape and shift culture in a way that is kind. That is my rebellion. That's what makes me a punk is that I don't give a f**k that people think I'm annoying because I talk about doing good things. That's just who I am."
Another way Gaga hopes to help people is by being open about her own struggles, including her past "masochistic tendencies."
"I think I forgive myself. I forgive myself for all the ways I've punished myself in private. I've been open about the fact that I used to cut. And I've been open about the fact that I have had masochistic tendencies that are not healthy," she said. "And they're ways of expressing shame. They're ways of expressing feeling not good enough, but actually they're not effective. They just make you feel worse. And you think that you deserve to be hurt. And you think that you don't deserve good things. You think you don't deserve happiness."
"I think I forgave myself because I decided that I was human and that made me feel better," she added.
Watch the video below for more on Gaga.
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