The model and reality star is getting candid about her recent mental health struggles.
Kendra Wilkinson is getting candid about her struggles with mental health and her hospitalization last September.
The model and reality star recently sat down for an interview with People -- her first since going to the hospital for a severe panic attack four months ago -- and she opened up about the frightening incident.
"I was in a state of panic. I didn't know what was going on in my head and my body or why I was crying," Wilkinson shares. "I had hit rock bottom... I was dying of depression."
Wilkinson was taken to the emergency room on Sept. 6, and it was reported at the time that she had become overwhelmed by the pressures in her life -- including balancing her career with being a single mother to her two children -- Hank and Alijah -- whom she shares with her ex-husband, Hank Baskett.
"I was hitting the end of my life, and I went into psychosis," Wilkinson says. "I felt like I wasn't strong enough to live anymore."
Wilkinson went home after her emergency room visit, but returned a week later to the hospital and was placed on antipsychotic medication.
In the weeks following her hospitalization, she began undergoing outpatient treatment and dealing with her depression, which she says stems from both her divorce and her time living in the Playboy mansion.
"It was the lowest place I've ever been in my life. I felt like I had no future," she recalls. "I couldn’t see in front of my depression... I was giving up and I couldn't find the light."
Wilkinson described her depression as a hopelessness without ambition or motivation to keep going, like being adrift at sea.
"I would never go out of my way to kill myself, but I was just like, 'God, take me,'" she explains. "To accept medication was the hardest thing to do. It meant I had to accept that I have some mental illness, and I didn't want to have to do that."
Back in September, a source told ET, "Kendra has been feeling overwhelmed lately. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to do well in her real estate career and to be the best mom. She is trying to take care of herself and looking towards the future."
Back in May, the former Playboy model opened up to ET about the challenges of being a single mother while pursuing her career in real estate.
"I mean, look, it's really hard being a single mom, you know, alone," Wilkinson said at the time. "Starting a new career in real estate on a TV show, it's hard work because not only am I trying to focus on building my new career, I am a single mom on top of it."
Wilkinson, who left the E! reality show The Girls Next Door more than a decade ago after six seasons, admitted that the pressure of her public persona sometimes gets to her, but real estate's top of mind.
"I'm still learning, but now in season 2, I'm officially in the real estate game, so it's a whole different ball game. I’m still a single mom, it's a lot of pressure -- it's a lot of pressure to start a new career with the world watching," she said.
She also reflected on her battles with depression, explaining, "I do struggle with some mental health issues, and some depression. I spent four, almost five years off camera healing... I did a lot of work on myself to get myself in a strong place."
"But I'm not safe from the past coming back to distract me from my life now," she added at the time. "And it gets really hard because I've done so much work on myself... and it's not fair sometimes that I have to pay that price."
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