The rapper opens up about a serious moment of doubt when it came to his marriage.
Kanye West is opening up about a serious moment of doubt when it came to his marriage with Kim Kardashian West.
In an in-depth interview with The New York Times, the 41-year-old rapper talks about his song, "Wouldn't Leave," on his new album, Ye, which suggests he and Kim went through a rough patch after his controversial appearance on TMZ Live last month where he claimed slavery was "a choice."
In "Wouldn't Leave," Kanye raps, "Build your own'—I said, 'How, Sway?' / I said, 'Slavery a choice'—they said, 'How, 'Ye?' / Just imagine if they caught me on a wild day / Now I'm on fifty blogs gettin' fifty calls / My wife callin', screamin', say, 'We 'bout to lose it all!' / Had to calm her down 'cause she couldn't breathe / Told her she could leave me now, but she wouldn't leave."
The rapper says that after his explosive comments, he definitely felt there was a chance Kim could leave him.
“There was a moment where I felt like after TMZ, maybe a week after that, I felt like the energy levels were low, and I called different family members and was asking, you know, ‘Was Kim thinking about leaving me after TMZ?’” he admits. “So that was a real conversation.”
Of course, Kim has publicly defended Kanye multiple times. During the interview, Kanye also reveals that after he was hospitalized at the UCLA Medical Center last November after a breakdown, it was Kim who brought in self-help guru Tony Robbins to pay him a personal visit.
“He could look at me and you know, I don’t know why he mentioned suicide, but he could tell that I was very low,” Kanye recalls. “Really medicated, shoulders slumped down, and my confidence was gone, which is a lot of the root of my superpower, because if you truly have self-confidence, no one can say anything to you.”
Kanye is extremely candid about having suicidal thoughts, sharing, "Oh yeah, I’ve thought about killing myself all the time. It’s always a option and [expletive]. Like Louis C.K. said: I flip through the manual. I weigh all the options."
“I’m just having this epiphany now, ’cause I didn’t do it, but I did think it all the way through," he continues. "But if I didn’t think it all the way through, then it’s actually maybe more of a chance of it happening.”
These days, Kanye says he's definitely got his confidence back. He also says that after recently receiving a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, he began “learning how to not be on meds."
“I took one pill in the last seven days," he says.
And of course, he doesn't regret his recent controversies.
“We need to be able to be in situations where you can be irresponsible,” he explains. “That’s one of the great privileges of an artist. An artist should be irresponsible in a way -- a 3-year-old.”
“My existence is selvage denim at this point, it’s a vintage Hermès bag,” Kanye says of embracing his perceived missteps. “All the stains just make it better.”
ET spoke to Kim earlier this month, ans she shared how the couple's eldest child, 5-year-old North, takes after Kanye in a big way. Watch below:
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