The singer suffered a miscarriage in Nov. 2021.
Jessie J is opening up about her miscarriage. On the latest episode of The Diary of a CEO podcast, the 34-year-old singer recalled her Nov. 2021 miscarriage, which she first revealed in an Instagram post, which she's since-deleted.
When Jessie was early in her pregnancy, she "woke up one morning and I was like, 'Oh, I don't feel right.'"
"I still had very intense nausea, [but] I just knew something wasn’t the same," she added.
Jessie had yet to choose a doctor in the U.S., but managed to get in touch with one who'd fit her in that same day. As the scan was being done, Jessie recalled there was "that dreadful silence when you first have a scan and they kind of don't say anything."
"I was like, 'Just tell me the truth. What’s going on?'" Jessie remembered. "She said, 'Your baby’s heartbeat is very low and there’s this ring, [which]... often means the baby will have some type of disability or deformity.'"
Even after the doctor assured Jessie that her baby was "still there," the singer still felt uneasy and opted to get a second opinion.
"He did another scan and he said, 'I’m really sorry there’s no heartbeat,'" Jessie recalled of the second doctor. "That was within three, four hours of the first one."
After learning about her miscarriage, Jessie's focused turned to her show the next day as she questioned how she'd get through it.
"I remember just going [home] and not processing it," she said. "And then the next day I went straight into glam, I did the soundcheck... I did the show."
All of the activity left Jessie unable to process the "physical painful, emotional painful experience," something she first came to terms with when she departed her concert.
"When I got in the car after the show by myself, and I got home, and I opened my front door, and I closed the door, I fell to my knees," she recalled. "That was the worst moment of the whole experience, me realizing that, other than my career, being a mother and having a child has been the biggest excitement of my life."
"I've always been super maternal. I love children," Jessie continued. "... I felt like I’d been given everything I’d ever wanted and then someone had gone, 'But you can’t have it'... When I got home that night and I lay there, I’ve never felt so lonely in my life... I just remember laying there, knowing it was still there, but it wasn't there. That went on for over a week."
While the whole experience was "the saddest thing," Jessie did her best to find the silver lining.
"I knew that the reason it happened was because I wasn't supposed to do it alone... I'm supposed to find someone that wants this as much as I do," she said. "I'm grateful that I got to experience being pregnant... It's opened the door for me to love myself deeper. I'm still processing the whole thing. I have moments of intense sadness and grief, but I also have moments of excitement knowing that I won't do it alone."
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