Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab joins Jada Pinkett Smith, Lauren London and Adrienne Banfield Norris at the table.
Learning how to establish boundaries with people you know and love can be difficult, and the hosts of Red Table Talk are opening up about how they've learned to set limits to create healthier relationships.
On the latest episode of the Facebook Watch series, Jada Pinkett Smith, her mom, Adrienne Banfield-Norris, and guest host Lauren London sit down with therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab to discuss the struggles many of us have, including saying no to people, issues with co-dependency and more.
Tawwab defined boundaries as "what we want, what we need, our expectations."
"I think of it as a preference," she explained. "You might not know what my preference is for something, so it's my job to communicate to you that this is what I want, this is what I need, this is what would work best for me. But just assuming that they should know because they're your friend...is unfair. It does put us in a space of feeling resentful or upset at them for having to do this, but their boundaries are different."
The author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself explained that boundaries challenge people's behavior, which some might not appreciate.
"You're saying that what we should do is we should really be able to listen to what people feel," Pinkett Smith said, noting that setting boundaries with other people forces her to establish boundaries in her own behavior. "I gotta stop trying to fix every damn thing. That's not my job either."
The foursome examined several ways boundaries can be violated, including emotional, material, physical, sexual and intellectual violations, and how setting limits can resolve possible conflict.
The Girls Trip actress reflected on how her daughter, Willow Smith, sets the tone in their conversations, saying, "I gotta give Willow props because she'll call me, disrupted, and be like, 'I don't need you to fix anything mom, I just want you to listen.' I go, 'Fantastic, I got you.' Because she knows I'm going to go straight to, 'Well we can do this and that.' 'Nope just listen to me, mommy. I just need you to listen.'"
Tawwab praised the interaction, highlighting how things are easy when people feel comfortable telling others exactly what they need from them.
"You can change your mind at any time, you can have a new boundary that you didn't have yesterday," the licensed therapist advised. "We grow and evolve, it makes sense to shift when we need to."
Red Table Talk airs exclusively on Facebook Watch. For more of the Emmy Award-winning series, watch the video below.
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