The exes came face-to-face on the season 20 'Men Tell All' special.
Charity Lawson has some feelings about her ex. On Monday night's "Men Tell All" special of The Bachelorette, the leading lady confronted Xavier Bonner for the first time since she sent him home after he confessed to infidelity in a past relationship.
Throughout the season, Charity, who was cheated on in a past relationship, continuously noted that the biomedical scientist reminded her of her former beau. In retrospect, it's a gut feeling she should've followed.
"With Xavier, I felt like there were reminders of my ex. I just felt like the manipulation and things that you utilize that have worked on other girls that you may have dated in the past, I was picking up on those things," Charity told ET's Denny Directo following the special's taping. "This is one of those moments where it's like, 'All right, I had the gut feeling. I just didn't really act on it in that moment.' So, for me, a lesson learned, but it's OK."
As for how Xavier felt about the "manipulation" comment, he told ET of Charity, "She's gonna feel how she feels. I think the people that know me know that what is certainly portrayed on camera isn't the full Xavier. Everybody's entitled to their opinion."
Charity had several issues with the way everything went down with Xavier -- first was the fact that he waited until a proposal was a week away before he shared his confession. Going into "MTA," getting an answer as to why Xavier held off on opening up was "the closure" Charity was seeking.
"Why was this conversation not had maybe earlier on? I would have loved that on our one-on-one day. That would have been a beautiful time," she said. "Obviously at Hometowns getting that reassurance from his family, I asked all those questions, I brought up questions about past relationships and that never came up... [I] felt like I was being blindsided and caught off guard with the things that was being shared with me."
Xavier, though, had his reasons for waiting.
"I think that's a really taboo topic to get into. So I was kind of scared to talk about it, but I wanted to show her that [I was] willing to risk all in order to earn her trust," he told ET. "That and show her exactly the man I am... I wanted us to be able to have those tough conversations and make headway and make sure that that's possible in our relationship."
Charity's next issue came up during her and Xavier's pre-Fantasy Suite dinner, when he seemingly admitted that he didn't trust himself not to cheat again.
"I was trying to get him to understand, like, 'Do you hear what you're saying?'... I was losing it," he said. "... The fact that I'm like, 'OK, we're here now. I'm not faulting you for mistakes that you made in the past, but let's move on. Where are we at in this moment?' And the fact that you're here, a week away from a proposal, and you don't know if you can trust yourself? Let's leave. Let's get up."
Xavier, however, said he "definitely trusted" himself to not cheat on Charity.
"That's what I was trying to convey to her," he said. "But I was trying to say [that] it's difficult because there's a fear of breaking that trust with somebody and I did that in the past. There's that fear."
Even so, Xavier said, "I don't think there's a lot I would have done or said differently."
"I think that I would have said it in a way that was more eloquent. I think that it just came off very brutal," he said. "That was not my intention at all. My intention was just to bare my own heart and soul to her and earn that time with her by just being honest, vulnerable, genuine about everything I was feeling. I was feeling some fears and I tried to communicate [that]."
Charity's "manipulation" comment was in reference to that final night in Fiji, when, as she walked Xavier to his car, he said "I love you" for the first time. Xavier denies that he dropped the L-word in an effort to manipulate Charity, though.
"I think it was kind of misread. I wasn't trying to manipulate her in any way. I was trying to tell her how I actually felt," he said. "... I just wanted to impress upon her that I really, truly cared about her. I wanted to leave a lasting impression that I had those feelings for her."
Despite some awkward moments, Charity and Xavier's "MTA" conversation ended on kind terms, when he gifted her a hand-knit rose as a gesture of thanks and appreciation.
"I definitely got the closure and I got to kind of clean up how that happened," Xavier said, before sharing how he feels about Charity today. "I think that closure is a good step in the right direction. Honestly, with love, it's hard. I love really hard, and so just moving on from it is just going to take time."
Xavier's remaining feelings didn't surprise Charity, as she told ET, "It's fair. I'm sure, like, he probably does, especially because we went this long without having a conversation and not getting that closure. I do wish him the best. I'm glad we did have that conversation tonight. I think he'll utilize all this for his growth. I hope so."
Xavier's trying to do just that through therapy.
"I don't really have a huge regret. Honestly, I think that I tried to show her my heart every step of the way. That's what I'm going to continue to do in order to find love myself," he said. "... Therapy is life, honestly. It makes you a better person and it really helps you understand fully what you want. I'm a big proponent of it."
Watch Charity Lawson's journey for love on season 20 of The Bachelorette, which airs Mondays on ABC. Stay up to date on all the drama by following along with ET's coverage of the series.
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