Halsey is recounting her journey to motherhood amid her health struggles.
Halsey is sharing her journey with motherhood.
In the latest episode of the SHE MD podcast, hosted by Dr. Thais Aliabadi and Mary Alice Haney, the 29-year-old "Lucky" songstress reveals she suffered two miscarriages in the same year.
"I miscarried during a concert. I started miscarrying before the show ... And I was in a really tough position because it was really early on in my career and there was a lot attached to the show," she explains. "There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more importantly than that to me, there were a thousand kids who waited all day long to get into this show and see me."
Halsey revealed that she put on an adult diaper and performed the 45-minute set while she was actively miscarrying. After "bleeding for hours" after the show, the "Bad at Love" singer reveals that she was left with more questions than answers about miscarrying at a time when she should be able to have successful pregnancies. And miscarried again.
"I had no idea what to do. So that was one miscarriage," she said. "I had two within the same year. I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm 20 years old. I should be able to carry a baby.' I didn't want to be pregnant. I was way involved in my career. So I had a lot of complex feelings of relief, but also confusion, but also guilt, and also grief. And then at the same time, I had a big burning question in my mind, which is, 'Something must be wrong with me, because of all the times in my life where I should be able to conceive and carry to term, this is the age. What's happening?'"
Halsey has been open about her diagnosis with lupus, endometriosis and more recently, her T-Cell disorder -- which is a result of the lupus.
After meeting with Dr. Aliabadi, Halsey says that they were able to work together to implement changes in her lifestyle, so that she could carry a pregnancy to term.
"[I put in] eight years of work with Dr. A into my fertility journey," Halsey says. "With her guidance, I was in such an exceptional position to be able to (conceive). But it took a lot of work on both ends. It took a lot thinking outside the box from Dr. A, it took surgeries, it took lifestyle changes on my end, both physical lifestyle changes, but also emotional ones. I certainly had to mitigate the amount of stress that I was under....My cortisol was not helping at all. It took some personal re-prioritization, where I was like, "' want to be a mom.' I would tell Dr. A every time I saw her, 'I want to be a mom. I want to be a mom,' and she was really honest with me. She was like, 'I want you to be a mom, too, and I think that you can conceive naturally.'
She adds, "She was like, 'But I think you need to make these changes,' and I did, in terms of my diet, the relationships I led into my life, the amount of work that I was doing. And then funnily enough, when I did conceive, I had expected it to take maybe six to 12 months. First try."
Halsey is the mother of 3-year-old son Ender, whom she welcomed with her ex-boyfriend, Alev Aydin. Now, the singer is in a relationship with actor Avan Jogia, and reveals that she wants to have more children in the future.
A journey inspired by the care she received during her infertility battle.
"I want more babies really badly," she tells the SHE MD hosts. "I had such a pleasant experience being pregnant with my son, and he's the light of my life. I think some things are sort of divinely motivated, or at least I do believe that things happen for a reason. And he's just got the most exceptional temperament, and he's so loving and compassionate, and I think about... I'm living as a sick person for a majority of his life. It was two-thirds, three quarters of it, and I had a lot of guilt. And I just remember laying there and just feeling so bad about myself, and then I realized that that unnecessary guilt was making me worse. And the thing I told myself is, I was grieving the fact that I couldn't be the best mom in the world because I wanted to be the best mom in the world and history."
Last month, Halsey put her love for Ender on display in honor of his birthday with a sweet Instagram post.
"Happy Birthday Ender! You’re 3! 🦖 The brightest, funniest, most empathetic, creative, and kind soul. I love everything about you," she wrote next to the carousel that featured pictures of her and the birthday boy. "Everyday I am reminded how lucky I am to be your mommy. Every year since you were born is the new best year of my life."
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