The 56-year-old actress' memoir, 'Inside Out,' is out now.
Demi Moore spoke to one of her ex-husband before publishing her memoir.
On Tuesday's episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the 56-year-old actress reveals that she spoke to Ashton Kutcher, whom she was married to from 2005 to 2013, prior to releasing her book, Inside Out.
On the daytime talk show, Moore opens up about the threesomes she and Kutcher participated in throughout their marriage, which, she said, shouldn't "be implied that [Kutcher] instigated."
"In trying to keep the perspective on my story, he expressed something that was of a fantasy and it was in my efforts to want to please and be what I thought he wanted," she tells DeGeneres. "... It was a misguided sense of not really wanting to look at the harder question or maybe what was really missing. Or in my case because I really felt like I had created an addiction to him... I never had that kind of attachment."
Prior to many of their challenges -- which also included a miscarriage and multiple rounds of IVF -- Moore fell hard for Kutcher. In an interview with Diane Sawyer that aired on Good Morning America, she elaborated about her affection for the That 70s Show star.
"All of a sudden this window opened up where I was safe, I had money, he loved my children," Moore told Sawyer of Kutcher's response to her three children with her ex-husband, Bruce Willis. "It wasn’t something he feared. He seemed to be comfortable with the ex-husband. It’s not like I was coming in with baggage, I had trunks."
Their relationship eventually fell apart, though, when continued struggles with fertility and other issues left Moore feeling "lost and desperate, confused," and she began taking up to 12 Vicodin pills a day.
"I really lost sight of everything that was right in front of me which was the family I had," she said during her GMA interview. "And I think the weight that it put on Ashton."
"It’s kind of a natural thing to pull back when somebody is clinging too tight," she added of Kutcher's infidelity, which, Moore said, he confirmed after she confronted him.
"I asked him if it was true and he admitted it right away," Moore said. "And I think my response was, 'Are you f**king kidding me?!' That was it. And I think I felt like I could barely take a breath."
Though the destruction of her relationship was certainly upsetting enough, for Moore it went deeper, back to the feelings she was left with after her tumultuous childhood.
"I really know there are parts of what occurred with this relationship ending that were a level of devastating, for me, that wasn’t really just about that relationship, it was really about my whole life," she explained to Sawyer. "It was about being the 2-year-old that wasn't safe. This really represented that I am not lovable. That I am not deserving. And that’s not about him, that’s all just about me."
Despite the ups and downs in her life, Moore tells DeGeneres that she is ready to share her journey with the world.
"In my own journey what I've realized is that what's happened to me isn't who I am and the things I've done -- whether I've been proud or have felt guilt and shame -- are not who I am," she says. "They are just things I've done. And I can now see how I hold it, though, is everything. And I hope that, for anyone reading it, they can recognize some part of themselves that doesn't feel love and start to see that we are love."
Inside Out is available now.
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