The singer says she was 'miserable' before her near-fatal overdose in 2018.
Demi Lovato's 2018 overdose put things in perspective. In a new interview with CBS Sunday Morning, the 28-year-old singer reflects on life before and after her overdose, and says she "had to essentially die to wake up." Now, she's feeling "more joy" than ever before.
"I feel so good," Lovato tells CBS' Tracy Smith. "I feel more joy in my life than I've ever felt because I'm not quieting or diminishing any part of myself."
"I think that my whole life, I was the horse that everyone was leading to the well, and they couldn't make me drink the water from the well," she explains. "It wasn't until this past year that I was able to taste the freedom of the water in the well, because I finally was ready to drink it."
Lovato last sat down with Smith in 2016, and told her at the time that she had proudly beat her addiction, and things were better than ever. In her new interview, Lovato admits things weren't as rosy as they appeared.
"I was probably 24 when we did the interview. So, we're doing this interview, I'm in recovery from a bunch of things, and I have been sober for however many years, but I'm still miserable," she says. "And then, of course, no matter how you're feeling in that moment, you're wanting to say, like, 'Yes. I'm good,' because I'm in front of a camera, I'm doing an interview."
"It's like I, for the first time in my life, had to essentially die to wake up," she adds.
Lovato says she didn't control "any of my life" during that period of time. As an example, she mentions that phones were taken out of hotel rooms she stayed in "so I couldn't order room service."
"But yes, I also needed to grow up and take control," she shares. "And that's something I haven't done until the past two years of my life, which is, I'm now in control of my finances, I'm now in control of the food that I eat, how often I work out …"
"Regardless of what other people may have said or done, my actions put me in the seat that's in front of you today," Lovato continues. "Unfortunately, nobody can answer for my overdose but me."
Lovato says doctors have told her that she would have died from her overdose on heroin laced with fentanyl if she was discovered just five minutes later than she was. Years later, she says she's "California sober." She still drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana in moderation.
"Yeah. I think the term that I best identify with is California sober," she shares. "I really don't feel comfortable explaining the parameters of my recovery to people, because I don't want anyone to look at my parameters of safety and think that's what works for them, because it might not."
"I am cautious to say that, just like I feel the complete abstinent method isn't a one-size-fits-all solution for everybody, I don't think that this journey of moderation is a one-size-fits-all solution for everybody, too," Lovato adds.
Lovato opens up more about her overdose and recovery in Demi Lovato: Dancing With the Devil, which premieres March 23 on YouTube.
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