Ciara is opening up about her relationship with husband Russell Wilson.
Ciara is opening up about her relationship with husband Russell Wilson.
The 33-year-old singer appeared on Jada Pinkett Smith's Facebook Watch series, Red Table Talk, on Monday, in which she talked about meeting the Seattle Seahawks quarterback and becoming a blended family. Ciara has a son with her ex-fiance, rapper Future -- 5-year-old Future Zahir -- and acknowledged she struggled as a single mom after she and Future had a less than amicable split in 2014.
"I'd have moments when I would be in the shower, I'd be crying," she recalls. "I had a few different settings -- crying in the bedroom, crying in the shower ... crying because I'm not in the happiest place and it hurts what I'm going through."
"It was a combination of everything because none of it was ideal," she adds when asked if it was the bad breakup or the fact that she was a single mom that devastated her. "I grew up with my mom and dad being together, the idea of it being, 'Mommy and Daddy made baby,' then all of a sudden you're living your life in front of the world. That adds a whole 'nother layer. 'I feel like I'm failing right now. Other people, they're gonna roast me. Here they come in the comment section. I'm about to get fried.'"
Ciara never mentions her ex-fiance by name during her candid chat, but notes that she used to be in an unhealthy place.
"It would be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that's just not healthy, that's not gonna get any better," she shares. "I realized I had to start making different decisions. Period. .... Knowing what you don't want is really important. That's more than half [the battle]."
"When I was thinking about my son, I know what I want to feel," she continues about what she was looking for in a future partner. "I know the kind of love that I want for us. ... If you stay in situations that are not healthy, or if you let them linger too long, you start to lose yourself. I don't like crying all the time. I don't like being sad, so I was like, 'How do I get out of this?'"
Ciara says she used her father as a barometer for how one should be treated.
"My dad's love is what saved me in all of my situations," she shares. "Because it would get to a point where I would say, 'My dad wouldn't do this to my mom.' This just can't be love. I've always had the same goal of wanting to be loved in a certain way, but I was just walking in the wrong direction. I was looking in the wrong direction."
Ciara says she met 30-year-old Russell when Future Jr. was 10 months old, and that he actually met her family when they were still just friends.
"It was different," she shares with a big smile about her immediate bond with the pro athlete. "I had never had that feeling in my life. It was just, like, calm. We were connecting in every way. ... His conversation, it was just different. The way that he looked at life was different. Also, the energy with my son, it just felt right. And of course, the consistency. He's consistent. That consistency is so crucial."
"He was like this, open arms," she adds, spreading her arms out wide. "And he was like, 'I got you.' Just the detail. Whenever he would think about me, he would think about my son. And to love me is to love my son. We come together. It's dope. It's a different level of love."
At one point, Jada tears up when bringing up Russell's recent touching Instagram post to Future Jr. on his fifth birthday, noting that she knows from experience how hard it is to be a stepparent and to know your boundaries while still being a parental figure. Jada's first episode of Red Table Talk revolved around her not-always-great relationship with the ex-wife of her husband, Will Smith, and being a stepmom to his 26-year-old son, Trey.
"It has been a very special journey for my husband and I because we are a blended family," Ciara acknowledges. "It does take time."
Later, the singer is asked if she wants more kids with Russell. Aside from Future Jr., the two are also parents to their 2-year-old daughter, Sienna.
"If you would ask Russell, we have, like, five more kids to make," she jokes. "I do look forward to having another baby. I would hope that I could have at least two more. I love kids. I love being a mom."
ET spoke with Ciara in April, when she talked about losing 50 pounds in five months after giving birth to Sienna. Watch the video below for more:
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