The cookbook author was a virtual guest on Monday's episode of 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show.'
Chrissy Teigen is opening up about the heartbreaking pre-term loss of her and husband John Legend's baby boy, Jack.
During her virtual appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Monday, the 35-year-old model spoke about the traumatic experience and explained how it actually changed her life.
"I'm still in therapy about it and I'm still coming to terms with it in a way," shared Teigen, who has also been public about her grief on social media. "I go through my closet and I see, there are outfits. There are full maternity clothes and things that I bought for my eighth month and my ninth month. So it's just hard, because he would have been born this week. You look at those things and you have these constant reminders of him."
"But being Thai and being raised in a house that was very open about loss, I think it was really helpful," she continued. "I see it as, it can be a beautiful thing, and it was a really transformative thing for me. In a way he really saved me because I don't think that I would have discovered therapy and then sobriety and this path of kind of really feeling good about myself and feeling like a new person."
Teigen says that the "craziest part" of the whole situation was just realizing that you never imagine something like that happening to you.
"You really don't know the meaning of the word unimaginable until something like that happens to you," she explained. "I was like, 'I hear these stories about other people, this kind of stuff doesn't happen to me.' So when it does, you're just so shocked."
"Then you think about all the people that go through it in silence and you get really sad for them. Ours was so public, so many people were so supportive," she added. "But you really gain this incredible amount of empathy. And I really, somehow, think I am a better person now. I just have the best support system ever."
Teigen recently revealed that last week marked what would have been her son's due date.
"I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams," she wrote in her emotional post. "I hurt every day from that remorse. This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule."
Teigen, who suffered the devastating pregnancy loss back in September at 20 weeks, was also open about her pregnancy complications and hospitalization, later sharing intimate photos of the family's devastating loss.
"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before," she wrote on Instagram at the time. "We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough."
Hear more in the video below.
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