Handler opened up about the breakup on the 'We Can Do Hard Things' podcast.
Chelsea Handler is opening up about her recent breakup with fellow comedian Jo Koy, detailing to Glennon Doyle on her We Can Do Hard Things podcast about the ups and downs (though mostly ups) about the loving relationship.
In the podcast, the 47-year-old comedian talked extensively about being true to oneself, learning to communicate in a loving way and bending but not breaking for someone else. She also shared how much she learned from being with Koy and also explained what her intent was with the moving Instagram post that announced the breakup.
"When you're not communicating in a loving way and that becomes a regular thing then you have to call it out of love and respect for both of you," Handler said. "You can't continue like that and so like I said, it's nice to bend for people, it's nice to learn how to compromise, it's nice to be able to demonstrate my love publicly. That was something I was never able to do for anybody, but I believe Jo needed that and it was partly for that and partly for our fans because of the reaction we got when we got together, that warmed my heart so much."
"And I was so inspired by us," she continued. "But, you know, Jo didn't crack me open. My psychiatrist cracked me open and then I was open and then I was able to bend for somebody and move and compromise and make them the biggest part of my life, but you can't change somebody intrinsically and so I was willing to do so much bending, but there's a line and I'm very proud of myself because I didn't let myself cross that line, you know?"
The Chelsea Lately alum announced on Monday that she and Koy split ahead of their 1-year anniversary. In the end, Handler explained that picking up on cues when a relationship becomes unhealthy is paramount.
"I think when it becomes untenable and it becomes unhealthy, like if you're arguing, it's devolving," she said. "If you can't have conversations that are calm and loving and constant and you're not a team, you're not feeling like a team, then it becomes untenable."
She later added, "I think I'm at a place in my life where I have to be with somebody who's where I'm at with that, and that's not to say anything about Jo Koy. I love him and he's on his own path and, you know, I just, that's what I need as a human being. I had to have a conversation with myself about how much, you know, I wasn't going to abandon myself, and if I have to choose one person, I have to choose myself."
Doyle also brought up Handler's Instagram post that read, in part, "root for both of us," while she plugged his upcoming project. The relationship podcast host wanted to know what Handler was going for in her touching caption.
"I was just going for putting out love, you know? I think when you're in pain, the most important thing you can do is love out, give it away, you know?" Handler said. "Just love out and when someone else is in pain, I needed to just give him love and, you know, you process this differently as a man and a woman, obviously, and I really thought he needed to hear those things and I really thought I needed to say them so everyone knows that it wasn't like, no one cheated or anything like that, it just didn't work out and I did everything I could to try to make it work, but it didn't work out and I wanted to make sure that everybody knew that this is a different me. This is the first time that I've ended a relationship where I feel like an adult, you know? And where it's because it was the mature thing to do."
Handler opened her Thursday podcast, Dear Chelsea, addressing the breakup and sharing what she learned during her time with Koy.
"He changed me in so many wonderful ways," she said. "He really fired up my work ethic again and my ambition again and my desire to do things and be productive and have a voice. And use my voice. I will take a lot of that with me in my next phase of life."
She also doesn't want fans to be sad for her, by any means.
"I don’t want people to be heartbroken on our behalf," said Handler as she grew emotional. "It’s a beautiful thing to be loved like that and to love someone like that it’s really beautiful. And I’ll never let go of that because I know that it’s out there now and it’s possible, and I want everyone else to know that it’s possible, too. And the only work you can do is on yourself. And get through it and understand that nothing in life is that permanent, and I did my best. And that wasn’t enough."
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