The 38-year-old actress revealed her miscarriage of twins last November.
Beverley Mitchell is opening up about her devastating loss.
In a blog post earlier this week, the 38-year-old actress wrote about the miscarriage she suffered last year just weeks after learning that she was expecting twins. In the post, Mitchell revealed that she's been "reflecting on what might have been" and has "been downright SAD" this week, as it is around the time that her family would have grown by two if she hadn't miscarried.
"I have come to terms with it and have been OK; I talk about it often just because I don’t want to hide the fact that it happened, I had a miscarriage," she wrote. "I am not looking for sympathy just the acknowledgment that it happened, because what hurts the most, at least for me, is the dismissal of it."
She called the renewed emotions that this week brought "a curve ball," while praising her husband, Michael Cameron, for his support.
"I’ve been struggling, I’m physically fine but my heart hurts, and my mind is tired," she admitted. "My husband is a saint and has been so kind and supportive; he lets me feel what I need to but is there to pick up the pieces and just hold me."
The couple share two children -- Hutton, 4, and Kenzie, 5 -- who Mitchell says she's "so incredibly grateful" for.
"But in my heart I know we are not complete, I so strongly feel there is another little soul waiting to join our family, and that is where I struggle," she wrote. "Behind my smile, my heart just hurt! And of course the kids talk about wanting another brother or sister so that is tough."
Mitchell revealed that she has had to learn to allow herself to feel sad and "be OK with NOT BEING OK," because she knows, eventually, "the sadness will lift."
"Life will unfold in the magic that it is, as long as I give it the space to unfold. I have to keep the faith and trust that with time will heal," she wrote. "Everyone grieves differently and, what has thrown me off [is] I honestly felt that I had gotten through that process, but it snuck up on me. I find myself yearning for those babies I see everywhere, and my heart hurts."
Mitchell found it cathartic when she decided to let her emotions out and "feel it all, the sadness, the exhaustion, the pure frustration," but has now decided "to move forward, to focus on the beauty of my life, my incredible husband and the two most beautiful angels that I could not be more grateful."
"This week will be a good week because that is the space I am creating," she wrote. "... So let yourself feel, but also allow yourself to be open to the beauty and the magic too. Because in the darkness there is the beauty of the light!"
Mitchell initially opened up about her miscarriage in a blog post last November, where she called the experience "a shock."
"I never really considered that I would miscarry being that I had already had two healthy pregnancies," Mitchell wrote. "This was my misconception, you see, I didn't know much about miscarriages and I didn't know many people who had miscarried, or so I thought. It wasn't until I started sharing our loss that I found out many people I knew shared the same scars. I was now part of a group, the unspoken and hidden group who mourn their losses in the shadows. This was the hardest part, suffering in silence."
"... It is with sharing it that the healing begins, the acceptance that it happened, it is when you ignore it or pretend that it never happened that you cause more pain," she added. "Dismissing it almost makes it worse."
See more in the video below.
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