The mom of two also opens up about whether she thinks Murray can change.
Amanda Stanton has had several high-profile splits, but her breakup from Josh Murray hit her the hardest.
"It was definitely the hardest, and I feel like it was because he was probably the person I was most excited about and really saw a happy future with," she told ET's Lauren Zima on Thursday. "It didn't work out, and it kind of went downhill very fast. So, it was kind of a whirlwind for me."
Stanton and Murray got engaged on season three of Bachelor in Paradise in 2016, but broke up later that year. In her upcoming memoir, Now Accepting Roses: Finding Myself While Searching for the One... and Other Lessons I Learned from The Bachelor, Stanton claims that she ended their relationship because of his controlling behavior. ET previously reached out to Murray for comment.
The 29-year-old blogger had already been divorced with two kids by the time she appeared on Ben Higgins' season of The Bachelor, but told ET that her split from her girls' father wasn't as emotionally difficult as her failed engagement to Murray. "[The divorce] was the hardest as far as we had kids together and stuff, but emotionally, Josh was definitely the hardest. I took it the hardest," she explained. "I wanted it to work [with my ex-husband] for the kids, but I never really felt he was right for me."
Stanton recalled being "very in love" with Murray, so, when she ended things with him in December 2016, it "wasn't a clean break whatsoever." They stayed in contact and saw each other again the next year before calling it quits for good.
"If I could go back, I would probably handle things differently or do things differently, but I don't regret anything," Stanton said, noting that viewers likely saw a different side to Murray on Paradise than she did, or knew about his alleged behavior from reading Andi Dorfman's tell-all book.
"I fell in love on the show, and I saw certain things, but I think I made excuses because I was so in love," she shared. There was a point during Stanton's relationship with Murray that Lauren Bushnell and other friends called her out for how her behavior had changed with Murray. "They noticed I isolated myself," she remembered.
In her memoir, Stanton said, she discusses "things to spot when you're in a toxic relationship," in the hopes of spreading awareness to women who need it. She's given Murray a head's up about the book, and said "we've talked here and there" since their breakup.
"I have no hard feelings toward Josh anymore," she revealed. "We're alright with each other."
As for whether Stanton thinks Murray can change, she said she's convinced he has "good intentions." "I think he wants to be this good person he has in mind," she offered. She teased that fans will read about what went on "behind the scenes" of her relationship with Robby Hayes the following year in her memoir.
Stanton is currently single, and while the title of her book is Now Accepting Roses, she said finding love isn't a priority for her right now.
"I think that's kind of the main point of the book. It's not so much about tips about finding a guy, it's more tips about being content with yourself and everything I've learned throughout my relationships and how to be independent," she expressed.
Now Accepting Roses is available wherever books are sold on Sept. 3.
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