"It's been really, really, really hard," the TV host said.
Amanda Kloots is opening up about the harsh realities of parenting through grief.
The TV personality said in a new interview that her 3-year-old son, Elvis, whom she shares with late husband Nick Cordero, has begun asking questions about "where his dad is." Cordero died in July 2020 due to complications from Covid-19 when Elvis was 13 months old.
"I feel like that part of grief is going to start happening, where I have to now face his grief after dealing with mine for the last two years," she shared on iHeartRadio's The Important Things with Bobbi Brown podcast. "Helping Elvis understand at this young age where dad is, why dad doesn't live with us, what happened to dad. And it's been really, really, really hard."
Kloots said that when Elvis does ask about Cordero, she tells him, "'Dada lives in heaven with Jesus but he's all around us all the time. And we can always talk to him, we can listen to him sing and he's watching over us all the time.' That's what I've said so far."
She also revealed that Elvis "says that he does" remember his dad. "Which is crazy," she said. "I don't know if that's because we watch so many videos together of Nick or because I talk about Nick so much. But he does, he does say that and I love it. But it makes me wonder."
Kloots, 40, noted that September is an exceptionally hard month, making the couple's anniversary and Cordero's birthday. "September always feels like a new start to me, feels more to me like a new year than January," she said. "And I think with all those events that are important, and with Elvis going to school, it was a hard month."
She's also struggled with making time for herself in this season of parenthood, as Elvis "doesn't want me to leave the house" and "doesn't want babysitters to come over." The challenge has made it "really hard" as she tries to find "the balance as a working mom and trying to also maybe go on a date here or there."
"You feel guilty every time you leave the house and he's crying. It's actually been really hard lately," she admitted. "I've had a lot of nights where I've cried and [thought] 'This isn't fair' and 'Life isn't fair' and 'I shouldn't be in this position.'"
Earlier this year, Kloots told CBS Mornings that she had begun dating -- but made it clear that there's no replacing her husband of nearly three years.
"I want to love again. I want to have another person in my life," she shared. "I want Elvis to have a father figure in his life."
However, that doesn't mean forgetting his late dad. "You're not taking the place of Nick. It’s not ever that," she clarified. "It's just that Nick was a part of my life."
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