Scott also thanked those who have helped her with the grieving process.
Alyssa Scott's mourning the loss of her 5-month-old son, Zen, on what would have been his first Christmas.
Scott opened up about her grieving process Thursday in an emotional Instagram Story that included a picture of a Christmas onesie Scott said she was excited for Zen to wear. The onesie was laid on Zen's crib, which had a pile of Zen's clothes in it. In addressing the pile of clothes, Scott offered an insight into her grieving process.
"Maybe you close the door to the nursery," she wrote in her caption. "Maybe you leave it open. Maybe you have boxed some things away — maybe you still fold and put them in the drawers. This is where I’m at. Walking by his room...sometimes going in. Washing some of his clothes but putting aside others that still have his scent. A pile is growing because I don’t know exactly what to do but I’m not rushing myself to a decision."
Scott also said she was "thinking of all who are grieving this holiday season." She said she's reading everyone's supportive messages and "keeping them close to me during this time."
At the bottom of her Instagram Story, Scott addressed the red "My First Christmas" onesie.
"I was so excited for him to wear this onesie," Scott wrote. "I have had it laying out since Thanksgiving."
Scott and Nick Cannon's son died earlier this month after a battle with brain cancer. The 41-year-old TV host revealed the devastating news on his eponymous talk show, though he later admitted he was hesitant to open up about the tragedy.
Scott's shared several touching tributes to her late son, including a video featuring clips and photos of Zen throughout his short life. She penned the message about the void his absence has left in her life.
"Oh my sweet Zen. The soreness I felt in my arm from holding you is slowly fading away. It’s a painful reminder that you are no longer here," Scott wrote in the emotional tribute. "I caught myself looking in the backseat as I was driving only to see the mirror no longer reflecting your perfect face back at me. When I close a door too loudly I hold my breath and wince knowing a soft cry will shortly follow. It doesn’t come. The silence is deafening."
"These last 5 months we have been in this race together. We would hand the baton off to each other. You kept me going," Scott continued. "It would be the middle of the night and you would smile at me. A surge of energy would fill my body and pure joy would radiate from within me. We were a team, both determined to see it through. It feels unbearable running without you now. I can’t."
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