'You lucky I'm doing my yoga or you might be dead.'
Miley Cyrus’ stint as the host of the 2015 MTV VMAs was pretty successful -- at the very least, she gave us plenty to talk about (and plenty more questions to ponder). But the free album Miley dropped at the end of the show, Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz, is the only thing we care about today.
We listened to all 23 tracks and highlighted the craziest, most explicit, sexiest lyrics below. They cover drugs, ex-boyfriends, spirituality, and, well, dead pets. WARNING: Some lyrics contain explicit language. This ain’t Hannah Montana music anymore.
WATCH: Miley Cyrus Suffers a Nip Slip Live During the 2015 VMAs!
1. When Miley too casually mentions extraterrestrial life: “I understand / Why there is a sun, how the bugs fly / And why there is a moon way up in the sky / Why there is trees, and what the f**k is love / Why there’s flying saucers watching from above.” (“Dooo It!”)
2. This completely unrelated question that would make a health teacher blush: “Why they put the d**k in the p***y? F**k you.” (“Dooo It!”)
3. This anti-drug commercial: “You're so cute / In your space suit / In your space boots / Space dude / Since you've left I've started to drink / Sometimes when I do drugs I'll start to over think / And I start crying / I think I'm dying / But I'm just tripping.” (“Space Boots”)
4. When he's a vegan but dumps you anyway: “My biggest fear is not being with you / The pain is so excruciating I don't know what I’d do / We're both vegan / It makes it easy to think it never hurt anything / Living intentionally.” (“Space Boots”)
5. An entire song (interlude?) that just says: “Alright this is really f**ked up but, but but / F**ked up, f**ked up / F**ked up, f**ked up / F**k, f**k f**k, f**ked up.” (“Fuckin Fucked Up”)
6. Basically everything sung in “BB Talk,” starting with the hook: “Your baby talk is creeping me out / F**k me so you stop baby talking.” (“BB Talk”)
7. This poor mother (oh god, Mrs. Hemsworth? MARIA SHRIVER?): “In the beginning it was like we were f**king homies and s**t and then all of a sudden you started with some f**king baby goo-
goo tongue down my f**king throat I mean, even in front of your mom.” (“BB Talk”)
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8. “Don’t be a dumb A B-word” - Oprah (jk): “You put me in these f**king situations where I look like a dumbass b***h and I'm not a f**king dumbass b***h.” (“BB Talk”)
9. Who is this about?! “You know, it's sweet and you couldn't be more opposite of my last d**khead but I don't know if I can get over the f**king goo.” (“BB Talk”)
10. Modern romance at its finest: “I like when you send me, you know, the, the queen emoji, but when I send back the monkey, you know, the ones with the, the hands over the eyes, that means that s**t's just getting a little too weird for me.” (“BB Talk”)
11. ??? “I just bury my head in your armpit which...weirdly smells good and your hair and your f**king teeth / Like, why the f**k would I wanna lick your teeth but I do.” (“BB Talk”)
12. This roommate with boundary issues: “I sleep with the door open if you want to come in while I'm sleeping / I'm always sleeping naked cause you wake up and you're creeping” (“Bang Me Box”)
13. THIS IS NOT SUBTLE, MILEY: “I want it so hard / You finger my heart.” (“Bang Me Box”)
14. I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? “The milky, milky, milk / Your tongue milking me so hard / And from sucking on your nipples / Licking milky, milky stars.” (“Milky Milky Milk”)
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15. Clearly: “Self control is not something I'm working on.” (“Slab of Butter (Scorpion)”)
16. One of the lesser talked-about benefits of meditation: “How dare you bring another chick in my bed / You lucky I'm doing my yoga or you might be dead / I ain't doing nothing that would take away my Zen.” (“I Forgive Yiew”)
17. This is horrific: “I keep searchin' for some meanin' in my dreams / And I'm dreamin' of bein' eaten by tigers / While the sparrows start to sing in a tree.” (“Tiger Dreams”)
18. Do non-religious f**ks understand this? “Such a weird f**kin' dream / Flyin' around into the sky like Superman / Chasing tigers and your arrows land themselves / Those religious f**ks will never understand.” (“Tiger Dreams”)
19. Is this the plot of The Lorax? “Wake up, world / Can't you see the earth is crying / Wake up, world / Can't you see all the clouds are dying / And maybe one day there won't be rainbows / Grass won't be green and the sky, it won't be blue” (“1 Sun”)
20. From an honestly tragic and moving song about a dead pet fish: “You lived under the water, but I love you so much / You never been on land, and you never seen the sky / You don't know what a cloud is / Why does everything I love have to die?” (“Pablow the Blowfish”)
21. And when Miley sings her dinner order: “On Saturday night, we all went out to eat / But I can never decide, so someone chose sushi / I got soup, and I ordered rice / But watching my friends eat my friends, ruined my appetite.” (“Pablow the Blowfish”)
Now, relive the unexpected moment that Nicki Minaj called out Miley onstage during her acceptance speech:
